


they never know

by icehearted



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Chatting & Messaging, College, Drinking, Fluff, M/M, Memes, Post-Canon, Unrequited Love, basically it's set 2 years after canon, kinda like crack w/angst or angst w/crack lol, now updating on thursdays :), some plot ??? idk, theres a couple kpop references strewn throughout but its nothing much, theres daisuga/kuroken/bokuaka/kagehina/etc., theres some other basic ships in this but theyre not too important to the plot, they talk about sex and kinks but theres nothing explicit, title is from exo's "they never know"
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-05-17 18:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14836743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icehearted/pseuds/icehearted
Summary: iwascrewme : sometimes i don’t even think he likes me at all lolAkaashi : I know you wear glasses, Oikawa san, but I didn’t think you were that blind.iwascrewme : i came here to have a good time n im honestly feeling so attacked right now// pretty setters chat that morphed into a monster. read at your own risk ;)





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> key :)  
> sugar: suga  
> iwascrewme: oikawa  
> flan: kenma  
> Akaashi: akaashi  
> shirabu's bitch: semi  
> shirabinch: shirabu  
> hoot hoot motherfuckers: bokuto  
> chococat: kuroo  
> birb: hinata  
> blooberry boi: kageyama  
> Iwaizumi: iwa chan <3

_ don’t tell daichi // 11:17pm  _

 

**sugar** has added  **iwascrewme** ,  **flan** , and  **Akaashi** to  _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**sugar** : i have gathered you all here because i need help

 

**Akaashi** : What is it?

 

**sugar** : well 

 

**sugar** : so say i hypothetically have a crush on karasuno’s old captain

 

**sugar** : if i hypothetically wanted to ask him out… how should i do it

 

**sugar** : asking for a friend

 

**Akaashi** : Oh you have a crush on Sawamura-san?

 

**flan** : ye i can see it 

 

**sugar** : nO I DON’T

 

**sugar** : i’m asking for a friend!

 

**iwascrewme** : well 

 

**iwascrewme** : not like i would know anything abt dating ppl lol

  
  


**iwascrewme** has left 

  
  


**Akaashi** : Well then

 

**sugar** : sigh

  
  


**sugar** has added  **iwascrewme** back to  _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**iwascrewme** : i told u i cant help u

**Akaashi** : I don’t know you very well so I apologize if I’m mistaken, but aren’t you in a relationship with Seijoh’s former ace?

 

**iwascrewme** : …

 

**iwascrewme** : we’re both talking abt iwa chan right

 

**iwascrewme** : lol

 

**iwascrewme** : we’re not dating hahah

 

**sugar** : …

 

**flan** : what 

 

**sugar** : …

 

**flan** : from what kuro has told me, you two are basically a married couple… 

 

**iwascrewme** : what the fuck 

 

**iwascrewme** : whys tetsu chan fuckin talking behind my back

 

**iwascrewme** : that hoe

 

**sugar** : language oikawa

 

**iwascrewme** : fuck off go hang out with your hunk of a captain ;-;

  
  


**iwascrewme** has left 

  
  


**sugar** : i’ll wait for him to calm down and then i’ll add him back

 

**sugar** : anyways

 

**sugar** : yeah so i like daichi and i think he likes me too i just,, don’t know how to approach him without it being awkward you know?

 

**sugar** : so i thought i’d put this chat together because we’re all pretty setters and i can’t exactly discuss this with my old teammates

 

**Akaashi** : Hmm

 

**flan** : but if he likes you, it doesn’t really matter if it’s awkward

 

**flan** : kuro’s an awkward idiot and i still went out with him because i liked him too

 

**Akaashi** : What Kenma said is probably true; it might also be a good idea to do it casually and make sure he knows what you want but also don’t make it too obvious? 

 

**Akaashi** : Does that make any sense?

 

**sugar** : hmmmmm ok… maybe i’ll bring it up and ask him if he wants to grab lunch tomorrow?

**flan** : yeah that’ll be fine

 

**Akaashi** : Good luck, Sugawara-san!

 

**flan** : ^^

  
  
  


_ don’t tell daichi // 12:08pm  _

  
  


**sugar** : omg guys!!

 

**sugar** : i asked him and he said yes! so now we’re waiting for a table at this cafe joint that recently opened up near karasuno. a lot of memories and reminiscing, it was great !!

 

**Akaashi** : That’s great! 

 

**flan** : aww happy to hear it went well

 

**sugar** : oh also, would it be okay with you guys if I added some others?

 

**flan** : sure

  
  


**sugar** has added  **shirabinch** and  **shirabu’s bitch** to  _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**shirabu’s bitch** : oh hi suga

 

**flan** : who are u

 

**Akaashi** : Yes, Sugawara san, who did you add?

 

**shirabinch** : i’m shirabu kenjirou from shiratorizawa and that’s my uhh 

 

**shirabu’s bitch** : …

 

**shirabinch** : my bf

 

**flan** : u sure ur not smthg else belonging to shirabu…?

 

**shirabu’s bitch** : tendOU CHANGED MY NAME AND IDK HOW TO CHANGE IT BACK

 

**flan** : …

 

**shirabinch** : he’s been in distress for a while

 

**shirabinch** : but it’s honestly pretty funny so i haven’t told him how to change it

 

**shirabu’s bitch** : aLL THIS TIME YOU KNEW??????

 

**flan** : lmao

 

**sugar** : …

 

**sugar** : anyways we can deal with it later

 

**sugar** : i added you all to this chat for a reason

 

**flan** : oh wait suga san, shouldn’t you add oikawa san back?

 

**sugar** : …

 

**sugar** : oh shit

 

**sugar** : i’ll do it later??

 

**shirabinch** : lmao rip

 

**shirabu’s bitch** : i can’t believe u ppl are just leaving me in pain and humiliation like this

 

**shirabinch** : honey isn’t that what ur into

 

**shirabu’s bitch** : alksdjLJFDLKJFL FUCK OFF

  
  
  


_ don’t tell daichi // 8:53pm _

 

**sugar** has added  **iwascrewme** to  _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**iwascrewme** : whyd it take u so long to add me back kou chaaaaaan ;-;

 

**sugar** : there were some… complications

 

**flan** : to say the least lol

 

**sugar** : but, good news is, daichi and i are now together! 

 

**sugar** : oh that reminds me, how are things going with your guys’ boyfriends?

 

**flan** : kuroo’s as annoying as ever

 

**flan** : it’s endearing tho, i love him a lot

 

**Akaashi** : Bokuto and I have been doing very well, thank you! He’s actually curled up next to me now, reading over my shoulder.

 

**sugar** : aww that’s great you guys

 

**iwascrewme** : … that’s really cute actually

 

**iwascrewme** : as for the other day,,, i just wanted to say im not usually such a dick 

 

**flan** : its not a big deal

 

**flan** : dont worry about it

 

**sugar** : …

 

**sugar** : you’re jealous aren’t you

 

**iwascrewme** : jealous??? of what? 

 

**Akaashi** : Hmm, Sugawara-san does have a point. If your claims about Iwaizumi san are true, then you’re the only single person in this chat. It’s understandable for you to be jealous, Oikawa san.

 

**iwascrewme** : don’t patronize me akaashi im not fucking jealous

 

**iwascrewme** : i don’t need to be in a relationship

 

**iwascrewme** : i get plenty of sex anyways

**sugar** : … being in a relationship and letting the first hot guy you see fuck you are two totally different things

 

**iwascrewme** : whatever

 

**iwascrewme** : idc anyways

 

**Akaashi** : Oikawa san, that’s… really not healthy

 

**flan** : pretty sure if you just asked him he’d go out with you

 

**iwascrewme** : lmao he doesn’t like me like that

 

**iwascrewme** : i’ve known him since we were kids i would know

 

**iwascrewme** : sometimes i don’t even think he likes me at all lol

 

**Akaashi** : I know you wear glasses, Oikawa san, but I didn’t think you were that blind.

 

**iwascrewme** : i came here to have a good time n im honestly feeling so attacked right now 

  
  
  


_ don’t tell oikawa // 12:03am _

 

**Akaashi** has added  **sugar** and  **flan** to  _ don’t tell oikawa _

  
  


**Akaashi** : I know it’s very late and we should all be going to sleep for our classes tomorrow, but I just wanted to make this chat so we can discuss what to do about Oikawa san. 

 

**flan** : good idea

 

**sugar** : oh that’s right, keiji, you’re a psych major

 

**sugar** : i’m assuming you have some insights?

 

**Akaashi** : I know he’s using sex to cope with what he thinks are unrequited feelings, but I’m worried that he’s addicted to it as well

 

**sugar** : hmmm is there anything we can do?

 

**flan** : kuro wanted me to take psych classes with him too so i know a bit

 

**flan** : everything akaashi said makes sense

 

**Akaashi** : It wouldn’t be wise to do anything behind his back but at the same time I don’t think just talking to him will help, given Oikawa san’s personality. 

 

**flan** : maybe we should add iwaizumi san to the chat?

 

**Akaashi** : Hmm, I suppose since they’ve known each other for so long, it shouldn’t really hurt. Maybe it’ll even help.

 

**sugar** : okay i can do it in the morning. let’s all get to sleep so we’re not falling asleep in our classes tomorrow morning!!

  
  
  


_ don’t tell daichi // 3:58am _

  
  


**iwascrewme** : hewwo uwu

 

**iwascrewme** : isd anyoen awaek rn

 

**iwascrewme** : im so drhnuk i cant think lol

 

**iwascrewme** : u guyss dont knoiw how hott iwas chabn iss 

 

**iwascrewme** : he cuold choeik me witfh hsi bicesp n i woudl tahnk hiim

 

**iwascrewme** : ahsdhahaha i lveo hiam a lotg btu he doenst loev me bakc ahahaha

  
**iwascewme** : godnight hahaha


	2. oya oya oya

_ don’t tell daichi // 6:07am _

  
  


**Akaashi** : Oikawa san, I am very concerned

 

**flan** : yeah concerned that practically the only thing he spelled correctly was ‘hewwo uwu’

 

**flan** : if theres even any sane way to type that out

 

**sugar** : anyways we all are

 

**iwascrewme** : ...what why

 

**iwascrewme** : oh sorry i just went out with some friends

 

**iwascrewme** : anything i say while drunk isn’t true just ignore it

 

**sugar** : ...sure

 

**flan** : like hell you went out with friends

 

**flan** : don’t forget that your roommate is my boyfriend

 

**flan** : he asked you if you wanted to join them and you declined

 

**Akaashi** : Oikawa san, it’s really not good for you to drink that much alone.

 

**iwascrewme** : i can do whatever i want

**iwascrewme** : ur not my mom

 

**sugar** : we’re just worried about you is all

 

**iwascrewme** : pfft

 

**iwascrewme** : theres nothing to worry abt lmao im fine

 

**flan** : sure whatever

 

**sugar** : hey do any of you happen to know where semi and shira are? they’re normally on all the time

 

**flan** : semi’s parents are out of town

 

**sugar** : …

 

**sugar** : what does that have to do with it

 

**sugar** : wait

 

**sugar** : oh god

 

**Akaashi** : How do you know this exactly, Kenma san? 

 

**flan** : kuro tells me things

 

**flan** : most of which i dont want to hear

 

**sugar** : ...good to know

 

**flan** : ive been meaning to ask this for while but do any of you mind if i add a few ppl? theyre not setters but they keep bothering me abt adding them ://

 

**sugar** : sure np

  
  


**flan** has added  **hoot hoot motherfuckers** and  **chococat** to _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**Akaashi** : Of all the people, Kenma san

  
  


**Akaashi** has left  _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**flan** : oh no you don’t

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : aww whyd kaashi leave :((

 

**chococat** : owo what’s this?

 

**flan** : …..i have made mistakes

  
  


**flan** has added  **Akaashi** to  _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**Akaashi** : …

 

**Akaashi** : Bokuto san, I have to ask, what were you on when you set your username to that?

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : akaaaaashi

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : u were there :’(

 

**Akaashi** : …

 

**Akaashi** : Wait

 

**Akaashi** : Oh no

 

**shirabu’s bitch** : helloooooo we’re back

 

**shirabinch** : what did we miss

 

**shirabinch** : oh gosh

 

**shirabinch** : is that fukurodani’s old captain? 

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : yes!1!1!!!!11! i play on the national team now tho :)))))

 

**shirabu’s bitch** : oh yeah toshi mentions you sometimes

 

**iwascrewme** : ew

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : omg really?!?!?!? what does he say about me??

 

**iwascrewme** : ugh

 

**chococat** : lmao oikawa dont act like u havent checked out his ass during a game

 

**iwascrewme** : uhh yeah i look at nothing during games sometimes ?? 

 

**shirabinch** : omg

 

**chococat** : …

 

**shirabu’s bitch** : ok i totally wasn’t expecting that

 

**shirabinch** : i was gonna say you should tell him that but he wouldn’t get it rip

 

**chococat** : im-

 

**iwascrewme** : fuck off tetsu chan

 

**chococat** : uwu why u gotta be so mean to me tooru ;-;

 

**iwascrewme** : uwu is exactly why

  
  


**iwascrewme** has left  _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**chococat** : and the trash takes itself out

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : OOOOOOHHHH 

 

**flan** : apply cold water to the burn

 

**shirabinch** : oof

 

**sugar** : should i add him back

 

**chococat** : yeah probably i don’t want to be strangled when i come back to the dorm tonight lol oops

  
  
  


_ don’t tell daichi // 7:35pm _

 

**sugar** has added  **iwascrewme** to  _ don’t tell daichi _

  
  


**iwascrewme** : why do i even associate myself with you ppl

 

**iwascrewme** : everyone is so mean to me ;-;

 

**iwascrewme** : im hurt

 

**iwascrewme** : testu chan i thought we were friends 

 

**chococat** : nOT WHAT U SAID LITERALLY 2 MINS AGO

 

**iwascrewme** : binch

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : hey can i add my kouhai to this chat?

 

**chococat** : ..whomst

 

**chococat** : what kouhai

 

**sugar** : why do i have a feeling you are referring to hinata, my smol precious child

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : ...yes him

 

**sugar** : hE IS NOT YOUR KOUHAI

 

**sugar** : HE IS MY SON

  
  


**chococat** has changed  **sugar** ’s name to  **birb mom**

  
  


**hoot hoot motherfuckers:** but i taught him everything he knows :(

 

**birb mom** : bINCH NO U DIDNT

 

**birb mom** : I RAISED HIM SINCE HE WAS A SMOL HATCHLING

 

**iwascrewme** : and u guys are concerned for me smh

 

**chococat** : how bout we add him and see who he picks

 

**birb mom** : he’ll pick me

 

**birb mom** : there’s no competition :)

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : :(

 

**birb mom** : wait

 

**birb mom** : don’t add him just yet

 

**hoot hoot motherfucker** s: oh i should change my username 

 

**chococat** : ...do you even know how to do that

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : um 

 

**hoot hoot motherfuckers** : no :(

 

**chococat** : i’ll change it for you don’t worry bro :)

  
  


**chococat** has changed  **hoot hoot motherfucker** ’s name to  **rowlet**

  
  


**sugar** has changed the chat name to  _ yay volleyball _

  
  


**chococat** has added  **birb** to  _ yay volleyball _

  
  


**birb** : owo what’s this?

 

**iwascrewme** : oh no not this shit again

 

**birb mom** : oIKAWA

 

**birb mom** : watch your profanity

 

**iwascrewme** : hecking heck urself

 

**birb** : who is everyone?

 

**birb mom** : mY CHILD

 

**birb** : oH HI SUGA!!

 

**rowlet** : hinata!! 

 

**birb:** bOKUTO-SAN!!!!

 

**rowlet:** @birb mom i got 4 exclamation pts and u only got 2 lololol

 

**birb mom:** …

 

**birb mom:** i have been betrayed by my own son

 

**birb** : wait what

 

**birb** : what’s going on

 

**iwascrewme** : pick a mom

 

**birb** : oh

 

**birb** : like between bokuto san and suga san?

 

**iwascrewme** : yes thats what i said isnt it

 

**birb** : hmm,,,, well

 

**birb mom** : hinata bb!! think about all that i’ve done for you 

 

**rowlet:** !! hinata !! remember that special attack i taught you !! that got you 6 points !! in one game !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**birb mom** : binch

 

**birb mom** : i taught him all his fundamentals 

 

**birb mom** : i set for him when kageyama wouldn’t

 

**birb mom** : what else do you have to say for yourself hmm

 

**chococat** : just let the poor child speak you two smh

 

**birb** : um yeah speaking of kageyama, can i add him too!!

 

**iwascrewme** : what the heck that was a question why did you put exclamation it’s after it

 

**birb** : well cuz i’m excited??

 

**iwascrewme** : and now it’s the opposite ok then

 

**birb mom** : yes you can add him

 

**rowlet** : only if u answer the question!

 

**birb** : i love both of you!! suga san is kinda my mom tho 

 

**birb** : at least according to his user hehe

**rowlet** : i-

 

**rowlet** : i have to go

 

**chococat** : lol where

 

**chococat** : it’s 8pm kou and i know you haven’t started on that essay you were telling me about. dont stay up too late, you have practice tmw

  
  


**birb** has added  **blooberry boi** to  _ yay volleyball _

  
  


**iwascrewme** : tOBIO CHAN !!

 

**birb mom** : back off oikawa

 

**birb mom** : don’t talk to me or my children ever again

 

**iwascrewme** : hmph 

 

**birb** : HI TOBIOOOO!!!

 

**iwascrewme** : everything he knows is from me btw he copied everything from his senpai

 

**blooberry boi** : what is this

 

**blooberry boi** : oh hi shoyo :)

 

**blooberry boi** : why’s oikawa san here?

 

**iwascrewme** : my presence was wanted

 

**birb mom** : uh sure whatever helps you sleep at night hun

 

**iwascrewme** : ;-;

 

**iwascrewme** : wait tobio chan are u and chibi chan together now

 

**blooberry boi** : ahh yes we’re dating

 

**chococat** : even your kouhai has a boyfriend lmao tooru wyd

 

**iwascrewme** : ...

  
  


**iwascrewme** has left  _ yay volleyball _

  
  


**flan:** hi im back what did i miss

 

**flan** : oh this again

 

**birb** : kenma!!!! ur here too??

 

**flan** : yea hi shoyo!

  
  


**flan** has added  **iwascrewme** back to  _ yay volleyball _

  
  


**flan** : hey does anyone know where keiji is?

 

**chococat** : he’s with kou 

 

**chococat** : if the incessant messages and pictures of keiji sleeping are anything to go by

 

**flan** : oh

 

**flan** : …

 

**flan** : do you want me to come over

 

**chococat** : no it’s alright

 

**flan** : i’ll be over in half an hour

 

**chococat** : kenmaaaaa you don’t have to

 

**iwascrewme** : tetsu u sap

 

**iwascrewme** : i better not walk into the kitchen in the middle of the night and see u two all over each other

 

**chococat** : what when have we ever done that

 

**iwascrewme** : do u not remember when i came back to the dorm from miyagi

 

**iwascrewme** : thinking that i could just slip in, get some water from the kitchen and go to sleep peacefully

 

**iwascrewme** : only to walk into the kitchen to see you making out with ken chan on the countertop with your hand up their shirt

 

**flan** : oh sorry about that

 

**chococat** : at leAST I DON’T COME HOME WASTED AT 3AM AND MOPE AROUND THE PLACE THE NEXT MORNING COMPLAINING ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE

 

**iwascrewme** : tetsu chaaaaan dont sell me out like this ;-;

 

**chococat** : binch that’s literally what u just did 

 

**chococat** : fucking hypocrite smh

 

**iwascrewme** : ;-;

 

**chococat** : anyway kenma’s here so bye

 

**iwascrewme** : im going to bed

 

**iwascrewme** : try to keep it down tetsu chan, i need my beauty sleep

  
  
  


_ yay volleyball // 4:20am _

  
  


**rowlet** : blaze it my dudes ;)

 

**Akaashi** : Please go back to sleep

 

**Akaashi** : It’s too early for this

 

**rowlet** : aww

 

**rowlet** : kubrooooo

 

**rowlet** : oya

 

**Akaashi** : Oh no

 

**Akaashi** : Not this again

 

**chococat** : oya oya

 

**rowlet** : oya oya oya

 

**chococat** : oya oya oya oya

 

**Akaashi** : For the love of God, please stop

 

**rowlet** : …

 

**chococat** : …

 

**rowlet** : oya oya oya oya oya

 

_ [cut for length] _


	3. spilled tea

_ don’t tell oikawa // 4:21am _

  
  


**Akaashi** : Guys

 

**Akaashi** : Do any of you have Iwaizumi’s number? 

 

**Akaashi** : I was thinking and maybe we could add him to the chat and have him and Oikawa sort their stuff out?

 

**flan** : yeah that’d be good

 

**flan** : i don’t have his number

 

**flan** : i think kuro might

 

**flan** : i’ll ask him when he wakes up

  
  
  


_ don’t tell oikawa // 5:32am _

  
  


**flan** : okay i got iwaizumi san’s number from kuro

 

**flan** : i’ll add him to the main chat later

  
  
  


_ yay volleyball // 5:38am _

  
  


**chococat** : has anyone heard from oikawa?

 

**chococat** : i know i’m his roommate so i’m the normally the one who knows where he is

 

**chococat** : but he’s not here

 

**flan** : oh right i was gonna add someone

  
  


**flan** has added  **Iwaizumi** to  _ yay volleyball _

  
  


**Iwaizumi** : What’s this? 

 

**flan** : this is a group chat that suga created for uh reasons but we need you to sort some things out with oikawa san

 

**Iwaizumi** : Is he causing you guys trouble? 

 

**Iwaizumi** : I can deal with him, sorry for any inconveniences

 

**flan** : oh no i was hoping you could talk to him about um

 

**flan** : why do i have to be the one to say this

 

**Iwaizumi** : What happened

 

**flan** : oikawa has some uh unhealthy habits and we’re all worried about him

 

**flan** : it’s loosely related to you so we thought you could maybe help

 

**Iwaizumi** : Oh

 

**Iwaizumi** : Okay I’ll see if I can get a hold of him 

 

**Iwaizumi** : He’s gotten worse about picking up his phone lately so we’ll see how that goes

 

**flan** : ok thanks sm iwaizumi san

 

**flan** : i hope everything works out for everyone’s sake

  
  
  


yay volleyball // 6:02am

  
  


**iwascrewme** : what the actual fuck

 

**iwascrewme** : how did you even get his number

 

**iwascrewme** : ugh i don’t even care i can’t fucking believe this

 

**iwascrewme** : excuse me while i vault myself into the pacific ocean 

  
  


**iwascrewme** has changed their name to  **gaylien**

  
  


**gaylien** has removed  **Iwaizumi** from  _ yay volleyball _

  
  


**gaylien** : kenma

 

**gaylien** : there’s no way you’re the only one behind that

 

**gaylien** : who else was plotting behind my back

 

**gaylien** : spill the tea

 

**flan** : um

 

**flan** : gtg byeee

  
  


Oikawa leans his head back against the wall of his dorm room, letting his hand with his phone drop to the floor. His loud Spice Girls ringtone breaks him from his thoughts and he looks down at the screen to check the caller. It’s Iwaizumi. He frowns, debating whether to answer or let the call go to voicemail. He shrugs, taps decline, and stands up to finish getting ready for his classes. Just as he clears the doorway to his room, however, his phone  _ dings!  _ and vibrates in his hand.  _ Fuck _ , Oikawa thinks, reading Iwaizumi’s text. 

  
  


From: iwa chan（≧∇≦）

 

I’m coming over to visit you this weekend. You’re going to tell exactly what’s been going on that Kenma, of all people, had to reach out to me. 

  
  


To: iwa chan（≧∇≦）

 

ok 

...

  
  


Oikawa’s hand pauses; he doesn’t know what else to say. Should he crack an annoying joke about Iwaizumi not being his mom (that his friend will most definitely see right through)? Should he act like everything is okay, as he’s done with the other members in the group chat (seeing how that totally worked out)? He sighs, leaning against the doorframe in thought. Oikawa’s phone  _ dings! _ again but this time, Oikawa doesn’t bother reading the message; instead, he grabs his backpack and laptop and jogs out the dorm door. 

  
  


_ messages between  _ **_Iwaizumi_ ** _ and  _ **_flan_ ** _ // 6:34am _

  
  


**flan** : how did it go

 

**Iwaizumi** : The idiot didn’t take my call and only answered ‘ok’ to my text

 

**Iwaizumi** : I’m sure you know this too but this is really not like him at all

 

**Iwaizumi** : When he doesn’t have something to hide he just runs his mouth

 

**flan** : ugh

 

**flan** : i’ll talk to kuro, maybe since he’s oikawa’s roommate it’ll be better

  
  


Kenma closes out of the messaging app and locates Kuroo’s number (that he has on speed dial for the times when social interaction gets to be too much and Kenma needs an out). His phone rings once before Kuroo picks up:

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Hi Kuro, are you at the dorm?”

 

“Ah no, sorry I’m at the gym, did you leave something there the other night? I can ask Oikawa to pick it up.”

 

“Yeah, speaking of Oikawa, that’s what I calling about.”

 

“Did something happen?”

 

“No,” Kenma pauses. “How often is he at your dorm?”

 

Kenma can hear Kuroo pause on the other line before saying, “Well, he’s actually not at the dorm very often… He’s always meeting up with other people and staying in other rooms. Why do you ask?”

 

“Oh no reason, Akaashi was asking about some things for his psych class,” Kenma says, maybe a bit too quickly. “Talk to ya later.”

 

“See ya, Kenma.”

  
  


_ don’t tell oikawa // 6:55am _

 

**flan** : well got ur evidence i guess


	4. milk was a bad choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flan: lol kuro hes a feathery
> 
> gaylien: kENMA NO
> 
> rowlet: im a what now
> 
> gaylien: pLEASE WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION
> 
> chococat: OIKAWA YOU LITERALLY HAVE XENOPHILIA OR MAYBE ITS JUST AN ALIEN KINK 
> 
> chococat: EITHER WAY YOU CANT TALK
> 
> rowlet: im so confused ???? whats a feathery?
> 
> gaylien: hey does that mean the karasuno crows are also all featheries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii so sorry ive been mia and didnt update for a while !!! writers block is a binch and i kept thinking abt this comment bashing iwaoi someone left on one of my fics a while ago :// idk thats not an excuse i just didnt have any ideas oops. hope this chapter is entertaining and fun to read?? haha lol hope u like it xx

 

Kenma locks his phone after sending the message, only for the screen to be lit up again with a message from the group chat. Of course, Kenma immediately chokes and regrets reading the message, wishing he had just left his phone off.

_yay volleyball // 6:56am_

**rowlet** : have i ever mentioned how much i love akaashi’s ass especially when hes riding my dick

**rowlet** : oh shit wrong chat osrry guys !!!!

**chococat** : it’s not even 7am and ur already talking about sex

**rowlet** : im sorryyyyyy

**Akaashi** : Bokuto-san we talked about this

**chococat** : oh shit ur in for it bro

  


_yay volleyball // 8:12pm_

**birb** : gUYS HELP SOMEONE CALL 911 LKSAJDKLAJSLKDJ

**birb mom** : oh my god what happened ???? shOUYOU???? ARE YOU OK PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE OK BB

**birb** : im fine bUT KAGEYAMA

**birb mom** : wHAT HAPPENED

**birb** : IDK ONE SECOND HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO THE KITCHEN TO GET A GLASS OF MILK

**birb** : NEXT SECOND I HEARD CHOKING NOISES AND HE WAS ON THE FLOOR

**birb mom** : mY CHILD

**birb** : wAIT WAIT HES TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING

**birb** : ??????? he just said “milk… was a bad choice”

**birb mom** : ...

**birb mom** : shouyou,, are you sure hes not just pulling your leg

**birb** : what do you mean??????

**birb** : waIT HES LIKE,, TRYING TO LAUGH NOW I THINK THE MILK INFECTED HIS BRAIN

**birb mom** : bb,,, hes fine. its a meme i think

**birb mom** : kids these days

**birb** : oH

  


_yay volleyball // 12:38am_

**blooberry boi** : milk… was a bad choice

  


_yay volleyball // 2:10am_

**gaylien** : aliens are definitely real

**gaylien** : my life goal is to be abducted by an alien

**gaylien** : to be taken away from this wretched earth

**chococat** : 1. go to sleep 2. pretty sure that’s called death

**gaylien** : eW TETSU CHAN I HEARD RHYTHMIC THUMPING AND KENMA IS OVER HNNNGGG

**chococat** : your point?

**gaylien** : disgusting

**chococat** : you’re just sad bc you haven’t gotten dick in like half a week

**gaylien** : smh so crude tetsu chan

**gaylien** : ur right tho,,, i havent graced another man with my ass

**chococat** : ew just go jack off in ur room

**gaylien** : ;  - ;

  


_yay volleyball // 6:02am_

**birb mom** : oiKAWA THERE ARE CHILDREN IN THIS CHAT. BOTH OF YOU

**gaylien** : uwu momma birb pwotecting not so pwecious chwildwen

**flan** : ew

**birb mom** : what do u mean not so precious

**birb mom** : what do u know that i dont

**gaylien** : tobio chan and chibi chan are,, very close

**birb mom** : theyre dating yes

**gaylien** : like,,, vERY CLOSE

**birb mom** : have they been given the talk

**gaylien** : well

**birb mom** : what

**gaylien** : i told tobio chan some things

**blooberry boi** : more than i wanted to know that’s for sure

**birb mom** : tOBIO KAGEYAMA

**blooberry boi** : oh shit

**gaylien** : ahh tobio chan, how nice of u to join us

**gaylien** : mind spilling all the indecent things u and chibi chan do in the locker rooms after practice?

**blooberry** **boi** : ALSKDJKLSAJL

 **blooberry boi** : HAHA GOTTA BLAST

**birb** **mom** : im,,, out of words

**flan** : lol betrayal

  


_yay volleyball // 4:15pm_

**chococat** : lmao guys so kou and i went to costco today for lunch right

**shirabinch** : what the frick frack

**shirabinch** : since when is costco a restaurant

**flan** : food samples

**shirabinch** : oh ur one of those ppl

**chococat** : im gonna ignore that bUT ANYWAYS

**chococat** : kou u wanna tell them what u did

**rowlet** : ALL I DID WAS TAKE TWO SAMPLES

**rowlet** : tetsu: double fisting the samples i see

**rowlet** : liKE WHAT THE-

**chococat** : iN MY DEFENSE HE WAS LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF AT THE TIME

**shirabinch** : i-

**birb mom** : tHERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

**shirabinch** : i really didn’t need to know that

**flan** : that’s how i feel on a daily basis with those two

**Akaashi** : You and me both

**flan** : setters suffer together, as oikawa says

**gaylien** : aww ken chan ur quoting me !! how cute :3

  


_yay volleyball // 6:52am_

**birb mom** : y’all i hear karasuno is playing seijoh on saturday in a practice match

**gaylien** : my bb kunimi and the rest of my kiddos are going to crush ur kids kou chan :)

**birb mom** : pLEASE u think ur kids are even a match against mine?

**birb mom** : theyre gonna crush ur kouhais oikawa :)

**gaylien** : sure honey just keep telling urself that :)

**birb mom** : well ill be at seijoh tomorrow to see them get crushed at their own school :)

**chococat** : i have never seen such animosity in a smiley face

**birb mom** : id choose my next words carefully if i were u kuroo :)

**birb mom** : karasuno and nekoma are planning to have a practice match too :)

  


_messages between_ **_gaylien_ ** _and_ **_Akaashi_ ** _// 5:21pm_

**gaylien:** hey iwa chan is one of bokutos roommates right

**Akaashi** : Yeah that’s correct

 **gaylien** : can you uhh maybe find out if iwa likes guys

**gaylien** : bc last time i asked ‘so ur gay?’ he said ‘no im dying’ and i cant tell how much of that was sarcasm

**Akaashi** : With all due respect, Oikawa san, you’ve known Iwaizumi san your whole life; how do you not know this?

**gaylien** : lOOK HERE im just trying to be sure okay

**gaylien** : as far as i know hes only dated girls

**gaylien** : so if hes not into guys i want to know that i have no chance

**Akaashi** : You really can’t tell?

**gaylien** : no i can’t keiji chan if i could i wouldnt be asking u would i :(

**Akaashi** : No it’s just so obvious. Iwaizumi is what Kuroo calls ‘a true bicon’

**gaylien** : he calls him what now

**Akaashi** : In other words, he’s bi

**gaylien** : oh

**gaylien** : idk he prolly wouldnt want to date me anyways hes always complaining abt me

**gaylien** : thx tho keiji chan !!

  


_yay volleyball // 7:06pm_

**chococat** : college is tiring

**chococat** : too much drama

**chococat** : too much stuff

**rowlet** : tHEN LETS ALL GO BACK TO KINDERGARTEN

**Akaashi** : You two would fit right in

**gaylien** : oh myg od aldkjfdlks keiji is savage holy shit

**Akaashi** : You too Oikawa san

**chococat** : lmaoooo get rekt oikawa

**gaylien** : r00d

**rowlet** : those 0s look like owl eyes 0w0

**chococat** : bro pls never say that ever again

**rowlet** : what?

**flan** : lol kuro hes a feathery

**gaylien** : kENMA NO

**rowlet** : im a what now

**gaylien** : pLEASE WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION

**chococat** : OIKAWA YOU LITERALLY HAVE XENOPHILIA OR MAYBE ITS JUST AN ALIEN KINK

**chococat** : EITHER WAY YOU CANT TALK

**rowlet** : im so confused ???? whats a feathery?

**gaylien** : hey does that mean the karasuno crows are also all featheries

**flan** : …

**chococat** : oikawa how could you

**flan** : …

**chococat** : oIKWAA YOU BROKE KENMA

 **gaylien** : lol i feel bad for this oikwaa guy

**gaylien** : hes gonna be in for a world of hurt

**chococat** : LKJFLDJF YOU KNOW HWAT I MEANT

**gaylien** : sorry i dont know ‘hwat’ you meant :/

**chococat** : fuck u

**gaylien** : u already have ;)

**flan** : do i even want to ask

**gaylien** : not really no

 **  
**flan** : ** ok ill just pretend i didnt see that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hHAHAHAHAHAH did kuro cheat on kenma or was this b4 they started dating ?? *eyes emoji* also rip kageyama lol


	5. that's so despacito alexa play dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gaylien named the conversation owo what’s this
> 
> chococat named the conversation oikawa get ready to fuckin die
> 
> gaylien named the conversation tetsu get ready to fuckin die
> 
> chococat named the conversation FUCK OFF OIKAWA
> 
> gaylien named the conversation FUCK OFF TETSU
> 
> chococat named the conversation oikawa can catch these hands
> 
> gaylien named the conversation @thanos snap tetsu out of existence pls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hELLO im sorry i meant to post this like 4 days ago when i was supposed to but i couldnt get my shit together and i lowkey forgot... also i was gonna do kuroken angst but i couldnt bring myself to hurt them so the beginning is gross and disjointed sorry lol anyways this chapter is dumb and i hate it (ft. real life excerpts from groupchats im in)

_messages between_ **_chococat_ ** _and_ **_flan_ ** _// 4:32pm_

 

 **chococat** : dw kenma oiks and i only fucked before we started dating

 

 **flan** : yea

 

 **chococat** : id never cheat on u !!!! u know that uwu

 

 **flan** : u were doing fine until u said uwu

 

 **chococat** : u wound me kenma ;;

 

 **flan** : kuro thats not even a face

 

 **chococat** : its a crying face!!

 

 **flan** : i know what its supposed to be, doesnt mean it looks like anything

 

 **chococat** : ;;

 

_yay volleyball // 12:29am_

 

 **gaylien** : god can someone remove chibi chan and tobio chan

 

 **birb mom** : what did they ever do to you oikawa

 

 **birb** : ????

 

 **birb mom** : hINATA GO TO SLEEP

 

 **birb** : my mom just called me a ducky momo what does that mean

 

 **chococat** : idk about ducky but momos taste really good

 

 **blooberry boi** : duckies taste p good too

 

 **birb** : wait what are momos

 

 **chococat** : theyre like himalayan dumplings/potstickers

 

 **blooberry boi** : oh i thought they were peaches

 

 **gaylien** : this is exactly what im talking about

 

 **chococat** : oikawa go the fuck to sleep

 

 **gaylien** : excuse you i cANT BECAUSE ALL I HEAR IS YOUR GODDAMN AC/DC TRASH SHAKING THE WALLS OF MY ROOM

 

 **chococat** : that’s so despacito alexa play dad

 

 **chococat** : *sad oh no

 

 **birb** : DAD

 

 **gaylien** : daddy

 

 **chococat** : oikawa no

 

 **gaylien** : oIKAWA YES

 **gaylien** named the conversation _owo what’s this_

 

 **chococat** named the conversation _oikawa get ready to fuckin die_

 

 **gaylien** named the conversation _tetsu get ready to fuckin die_

 

 **chococat** named the conversation _FUCK OFF OIKAWA_

 

 **gaylien** named the conversation _FUCK OFF TETSU_

 

 **chococat** named the conversation _oikawa can catch these hands_

 

 **gaylien** named the conversation _@thanos snap tetsu out of existence pls_

 

 **chococat** : oKAY HOLD UP THATS GOING TOO FAR

 

 **birb mom** : i’m too old for this jfc

 

Oikawa shuts off his phone with a scoff. _Poor Kou chan with his ten some odd children and god knows how many more at this point_ , he thinks. On a whim, Oikawa opens Instagram instead of going to sleep or setting up his laptop to watch volleyball matches of the team he’ll be playing a few weeks from now. Instagram proves to be a bad choice, not because Oikawa has a bad habit of getting lost in his own explore page, scrolling through the twitter screenshots and volleyball promotions for hours, but because he’s greeted with the smiling face of his childhood friend.

But it’s not just Iwaizumi, there’s another face smiling next to him, a face Oikawa doesn’t recognize. Oikawa’s eyes fall to the caption: “good times with the bae <3” and he laughs a little too loudly at that. His Iwa-chan has never been known to be openly affectionate, much less on social media. In fact, Iwaizumi almost never posts on Instagram. Not even bothering to check who’s tagged in the photo, Oikawa taps Iwaizumi’s Instagram handle and chews his lip as he waits for his profile to load.

“I’m probably just hallucinating,” Oikawa mutters. “Nothing new.”

Save for the new post in Iwaizumi’s feed, at first glance nothing seems different about his profile. But Oikawa notices the “taken” tacked on to the end of his bio.

Oikawa chokes out a sigh and, tossing his phone to the side, gets up and makes his way to the kitchenette. The bass of Kuroo’s music can still be heard even on the opposite side of the dorm, though Oikawa notices it’s no longer hard rock. It’s one of the korean girl groups Kenma listens to which means that Kenma is over and that means Oikawa needs to either stay in someone else’s dorm (which always comes at a price, but tonight Oikawa figures he needs the distraction anyways) or come to terms with the fact that the only thing separating him from where his roommate is having sex is a very thin, less than soundproof wall.

Oikawa resigns himself to the first option and grabs a beer can from the bottom drawer of the fridge before dragging himself back to his room. He snaps it open, takes a swig, and texts one of his contacts. He hasn’t slept with Daishou in a few weeks and the snake probably won’t mind Oikawa coming to him at—Oikawa glances at the clock—a quarter til two in the morning.

The brunet downs the rest of the beer (he always has to be at least a little inebriated to do this), slips out the door, and arrives in front of the former Nohebi captain’s door in record time. Daishou answers the door after Oikawa knocks lightly a few times.

“Your roommate away for the weekend?” Oikawa asks, just to make sure there won’t be someone to see him at his worst the morning after.

“Of course, babe,” Daishou answers, tone mocking as ever.

Oikawa can’t bring himself to do much more than fix him with a glare that lacks its usual heat.

Daishou visibly softens and offers him a sad smile. “Trouble with your boyfriend again?”

“He’s never been my boyfriend,” Oikawa mutters, stepping past Daishou and into his dorm. “He’s happily taken now, anyways.”

“Oh, so that’s what this is about,” Daishou pauses. “You know, as much as I enjoy our little arrangement, you can’t keep doing this. I thought you were smart enough to see how he looks at y—“

Oikawa cuts him off with a hard kiss. “I didn’t come here to _talk_ and you’re not my fucking therapist. So if you don’t want to fuck me, I’m just gonna go next door and sleep with that guy from the gym you’re always eyeing. Alright, sweetheart?”

Daishou snarls, “Don’t you dare.”

Oikawa smirks. “You know what I want.”

He’s barely finished speaking when Daishou slams the door behind him and shoved him up against it, wedging a knee in between Oikawa’s thighs against his erection. The brunet’s moan is muffled by Daishou's lips moving against his own, skilled tongue snaking into his mouth (Oikawa wants to slap himself for the pun). Oikawa can’t help but moan against Daishou’s lips as he feels hands push his hoodie up and caress his bare skin. Daishou breaks their kiss and pushes Oikawa’s sweatshirt over his head, leaving him shirtless. In return, Oikawa tugs at Daishou’s shirt and pulls it off one swift motion. He sighs and runs a calloused hand over Daishou’s lightly muscled stomach.

“Been working out, huh?” Oikawa teases.

“Shut up,” Daishou says. “Couch or bed?”

“Mm, bed,” Oikawa decides. “Would you be a dear and carry me there? I’ll suck your dick.”

Daishou snorts, “You can’t bargain with something you’re gonna do, regardless of what I do.”

…

Oikawa groans loudly, jolted awake by the sound of his ringtone. He blindly feels around for his phone, only to remember the events of the night prior, which draws another groan out of him. He blearily raises the phone to his ear, not bothering to check the caller ID.

“H-hello, this is O-”

“Oikawa, where the fuck are you?! I told you I was coming to visit you this weekend but your roommate tells me you’re out,” the last voice Oikawa wants to hear blasts through his phone’s speakers and he nearly flings his phone across the room in surprise.

“Shit,” Oikawa mutters (hopefully quietly enough that Iwaizumi can’t hear him), fully awake now. “Ah, Iwa-chan no need to worry, I’m just at a friend’s dorm. I was studying with them last night and didn’t have time to run back before curfew. I’ll be over in a couple minutes. Sit tight, Iwa-chan.”

As Oikawa fumbles with in phone in attempt to hang up, Daishou rolls over and wraps an arm around Oikawa’s waist.

“Who is it, babe?” Daishou groggily asks, tucking his head under Oikawa’s arm.

“Oikawa? Who’s that?”

“Gotta go, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa finally manages to tap the right button on his phone and end the call. He groans again, mentally preparing himself for the conversation he’s bound to have with Iwaizumi once he gets back to his dorm.

“Y’know we should just elope. Run away together now, never look back, kind of thing,” Oikawa mutters, looking down at Daishou.

Daishou snorts. “You say that like we’re in love or something,” he pulls himself up into a sitting position next to Oikawa, “but you and I both know we aren’t. We both just suck at relationships and anything romantic outside of sex.”

“It’s sad because you’re right,” Oikawa sighs. Within a few minutes, Oikawa has his clothes on and he’s almost out the door when Daishou gets up, wrapped in a blanket. He smirks at Oikawa and pecks his cheek, “Have fun with your Iwa-chan.”

Oikawa flips him the bird and sprints out the door.

When he gets to his dorm, he half  expects Iwaizumi to be waiting outside to yell at him, but Kuroo must have invited him in. _Like any normal human would_ , Oikawa tells himself. Still, when he opens the door and steps inside, he expects to hear Iwaizumi’s voice berating him for staying out so late and forgetting their agreement.

His expectations are met and exceeded; he’s only in the dorm for a second before Iwaizumi calls, “Nice of you to join us! Care to explain everything?”

“Ah, um, yeah, I will, just—just give me a min—“

“Oikawa. Cut the bullshit. You haven’t been returning my calls, you never text back, hell, even _Kenma_ had to contact me about you,” Iwaizumi’s voice softens. “We’re all worried about you, okay?”

“Yeah, worried that you’re gonna end up with an STD with all the sleeping around you do,” Kuroo adds unhelpfully.

From the look on Iwaizumi’s face Kuroo realizes belatedly that he hadn’t actually known that detail (which makes sense considering they go to different universities) and that he probably just screwed Oikawa over big time. In his defense, it’s not exactly a secret within their year that Oikawa screws around a lot.

“I’m sorry, Oikawa does what now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so like.... i wrote the smut (at 1am while listening to lotto by exo << that's why it's trash) but it doesn't further the plot at all and it was just self indulgent lmao (not to mention it sucks dick--literally ;)) so i'm probs not gonna post it rip. 
> 
> pls pray for oikawa. 1 kudo = 1 step closer to being with iwa chan


	6. iwachans bara arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gaylien: hi um what the actual fuck 
> 
> gaylien: i didn’t come here to listen to tobio chan and his fuckibg milk kink 
> 
> chococat: yeah well i didn’t want to be your roommate and hear your weirdass alien fantasies either
> 
> gaylien: i dO NOT HAVE ALIEN FANTASIES
> 
> chococat: fucking look at your username idiot
> 
> gaylien has changed their name to iwachans bara arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter was short i know... hopefully this one makes up for it a bit !!

Oikawa glares daggers at Kuroo.

“Sometimes I like to let off a little stress, okay? You’re not my mom and I’m a functioning"--Kuroo snorts at that-- "adult so I really don’t see what the problem is.”

“It’s a problem when no one can get a hold of you and you spend your nights either drowning your sorrows in alcohol and destroying your liver at two in the morning or in someone else’s bed!” Kuroo raises his voice. 

Oikawa can feel the tears brimming in his eyes and he bites his lip, hard. “I-I’ve been having some relationship troubles a-and I’m stressed from all my pre-med classes, you know how it is. It just--it all piles up sometimes. And then I need to be alone to recollect my thoughts; that’s why I don’t return calls or texts. I’m sorry I made you guys worry, I’ll try to better. ”

It isn’t a lie, but it’s a vague cop-out answer—that Oikawa is certain his friends will buy.

Iwaizumi, who's been oddly silent the entire time, finally just sighs, “Alright. Just know that we’re here for you and you don’t need to bottle anything up.”

Kuroo nods in agreement, silently agreeing to let this one go and Oikawa wonders if he can tell his roommate is hiding something big--bigger than just sleeping around to let off college stress. But Kuroo hasn’t known Oikawa long enough to read him like that and it seems as though Iwaizumi can no longer read him like a book either. It's a jarring realization; Oikawa thought Iwaizumi came to fill the overbearing, protective role he'd played their whole lives but now, he's taking a step back. He's letting Oikawa crash and burn on his own and maybe it's better this way. Maybe this is what they needed all along, maybe they weren't destined soulmates like Oikawa used to crave. Maybe Iwaizumi really is better off without Oikawa by his side--rather, with Oikawa chained by habit to him like a deadweight. But a small, selfish part of Oikawa wishes that Iwaizumi could still see through his facade. He wishes that Iwaizumi could see through his lies and somehow make everything better, like he always did in the past. Oikawa would bottle emotions up, self destruct, and then isolate himself when he was offered help but Iwaizumi was always there to break down his walls and bring him back to the present.

But they aren’t in high school or middle school anymore and Iwaizumi has other responsibilities than Oikawa. He has his own life, and Oikawa realizes belatedly that he’d been holding the other back all this time.

Iwaizumi leaves soon after to meet up with someone (Oikawa cringes, it's probably Iwaizumi's--he shudders--boyfriend) but everything seems hazy and Oikawa’s vision grows unfocused. I probably just need a new prescription, he thinks, adjusting his glasses, regardless of the fact that prescriptions don’t change in the span of ten minutes. When they exchange goodbyes, Oikawa stiffly hugs Iwaizumi and wishes him safe travels.

Once he’s left, Kuroo corners Oikawa in the kitchenette.

“So who was it this time? That first year with the tongue and dick piercings? Was it-“

“Daishou,” Oikawa replies evenly.

Kuroo gapes at him. “You’re kidding. You slept with that snake?”

Oikawa hums in affirmation.

“He’s a lying, cheating bitch, Oikawa, you really don’t want to get involved with him,” Kuroo pauses. “As your chivalrous friend and roommate, I feel it’s my responsib-”

“Tetsu-chan, don’t talk about him like you know him,” Oikawa gives Kuroo a smile, dripping with false sweetness. “You only knew him as a rival on the court, and I get that. But now you’re just sticking your nose in my business and giving me unsolicited advice you aren’t qualified to give.”

“Okay, okay,” Kuroo backs off, “but... aren’t you still in love with Iwaizumi?”

Oikawa inhales sharply. “I’m… coping.”

“Your coping mechanisms are absolute shit, Oikawa. You’re fucking and drinking your emotions away because you can’t handle your so-called unrequited love. Newsflash, Oikawa, he fucking likes you back.”

Oikawa smiles sadly. “If only you were right, Tetsurou-” Kuroo frowns at the absence of Oikawa’s usual mocking ‘-chan’ “but he has a boyfriend now. A cute one at that.”

“Oikawa-”

“And they look happy together, okay? Maybe he loved me once and I was too absorbed in my own feelings to realize it, but I can’t take that away from him. I could never burden him with my feelings; he already worries about me enough. And I have enough pride that I don’t want him dating me out of pity,” Oikawa says, voice steadier than he expected. He’s never voiced his reasoning out loud, but he figures coming to terms with it this way helps in ways sex and alcohol never could.

For once, Kuroo is at a loss for words, and instead he looks at Oikawa with an odd expression on his face. It looks like pity and Oikawa _hates_ it; it reminds him of the looks he got when he first injured his knee, when Seijoh lost to Karasuno, when Iwaizumi picked his drunk ass up from a party at 4am.

Oikawa doesn’t have time for this; he has to leave for his train to Miyagi _now_.

“Anyways, Tetsu-chan, I have a train to catch and being late might be okay by your standards but I actually like leaving good impressions on people. Feel free to invite Kenma over and fuck on every surface of the dorm, just don’t tell me!”

“Wait, you’re going to watch Seijoh and Karasuno’s practice match right?”

Oikawa nods.

“Iwaizumi said he’s trying to make it; you can sort out your feelings with him then.”

“Thanks for the heads up, Tetsu-chan, but there’s really nothing to sort out.”

 

_@thanos snap tetsu out of existence pls // 7:12am_

 

 **gaylien** : chat name is more accurate now than ever lol

 

 **gaylien** : anyways im gonna be back at seijoh in couple hours for their match w the crows! anyone else going?

 

 **birb mom** : going to see my baby crows kick ass :)

 

 **gaylien** : u wish :)

 

 **birb** : im so bored hhhhh help the bus isnt gonna be here for another hour :((

 

 **blooberry boi** : string cheese

 

 **birb** : excheese me ????????? kags????????

 

 **blooberry boi** : cheese is a dairy product

 

 **blooberry boi** : a milk product

 

 **gaylien** : hi um what the actual fuck

 

 **gaylien** : i didn’t come here to listen to tobio chan and his fuckibg milk kink

 

 **chococat** : yeah well i didn’t want to be your roommate and hear your weirdass alien fantasies either

 

 **gaylien** : i dO NOT HAVE ALIEN FANTASIES

 

 **chococat** : fucking look at your username idiot

 

 **gaylien** has changed their name to **iwachans bara arms**

 

 **chococat** : that really isn’t an improvement

 

 **iwachans bara arms** : literally speak for urself ur user is just ur fucking neko kink or some shit

 

 **chococat** : excuse u chococat is the better version of hello kitty

 

 **chococat** : and i don’t have a neko kink ok

 

 **iwachans bara arms** : sure hun i’ll just pretend i haven’t seen u fuck kenma with cat ears on and god knows what else

 

 **chococat** : SKDJDKDJJD FUCK YOU OIAKWA

 

 **chococat** has changed their name to **tetsucles**

 

 **iwachans bara arms:** i cant tell if thats a reference to tentacles or testicles and i dont want to know

 

 **iwachans bara arms** : all i know is that if u dont change it right now im sending the video of u dancing to aoa’s like a cat in thigh highs, stilettos & cat ears to this chat

 

 **tetsucles** : OKAY OKAY JEEZ YOU DIDNT HAVE TO SAY THAT HERE TOO

 

 **tetsucles** has changed their name to **kurowo**

 

 **shirabinch** : blackmail always works

 

 **iwachans** **bara** **arms** : does anyone else find it concerning that he just randomly shows up from time to time

 

 **shirabinch** : do u even know who i am

 

 **iwachans bara arms** : i know u went to shittytorizawa and thats all i need to know to form an opinion of u

 

 **shirabinch** : What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

 

 **iwachans bara arms** : great so he can copy & paste

 

Oikawa rolls his eyes and chuckles a bit at that, slipping his phone into his back pocket and stepping off the train. He jogs to Seijoh; he wants to get in a couple words with Kunimi before they begin warming up for the match.

“Aki-chan!!” Oikawa waves at Kunimi as he enters the gymnasium. Kunimi gives him a slightly exasperated look (probably because of the nickname) but smiles nonetheless. As Oikawa nears Seijoh’s captain, the first thing he realizes is that Kunimi has grown a lot taller and now stands a couple inches above his former captain.

“Ah, wow, you’ve grown even taller! How’s your turnip haired friend doing?” Oikawa flashes Kunimi with one of his signature smiles that he used all the time in high school.

“Yutaro’s fine,” Kunimi begins, but Oikawa cuts him off.

“I mean, how are you and Taro-chan doing?” Oikawa asks instead, raising an eyebrow.

Kunimi groans.

“We’re _fine_ , _Captain_ ,” Kunimi replies sarcastically.

Oikawa only chuckles and ruffles Kunimi’s hair affectionately. “Send the team my regards. Good luck out there, I believe in all of you!”

Oikawa still has about an hour to kill before the match starts. But both teams are starting to warm up so he can’t bother his favorite kouhai anymore. He makes his way to the bleachers and sits at the back, behind Seijoh’s cheer squad. He pulls his phone out again and taps out a quick text to Hanamaki and Mattsun to let them know where he’s sitting when they get there too.

The meme duo arrives a little while later and their linked arms make Oikawa think for just a second that maybe he should try to date again. But the thought passes as quickly as it was formed and they greet each other with smiles and open arms. It doesn’t take the three long to fall back into their usual banter filled with crude inside jokes. The only thing missing is Iwaizumi.

Hanamaki voices this, knowing full well of Oikawa’s… _predicament_ , and the only thing stopping Oikawa from strangling him is the knowledge that he’d be arrested for murder. 

“Speak of the devil,” Matsukawa chuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oikawa should have gone to shiratorizawa 
> 
> (im joking dont come after me)
> 
> anyways,, i feel like in college iwa and oiks are gonna change a lot so i thought it would make more sense for him to not bite oiks' head off for sleeping around but rather to just... trust oikawa to make his own decisions so he can focus on his own life yknow. sorry if it felt ooc but i actually put a lot of thought into it and i went thru so many different versions of this chapter. im still not happy with it, but hopefully it wasn't too bad lol
> 
> edit: so i accidentally sliced up part of my hand which means it's hard for me to type now haha but hopefully it heals soon so i can get back to writing :(

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on tumblr @kjsumi !! comments & kudos are much appreciated :)


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